Signs She's Not a Real Gamer

Let's face it, girls who game are hot. We, as girls, know it. You, as drooling, testosterone-driven boys know it. And though we could probably go on and on about what makes someone a "true" or "hardcore" gamer--recreational versus underground, according to Microsoft Live--the main point is that a female with justifiable video game competencies is a rare, ultra-precious jewel. What girl wouldn't want to be the combo-breaker in a sea of trigger-happy alpha males fighting for virtual trophies and achievements? It's a rather seductive position of power that many girls front, but most fall fatally short while attempting to grace even the surface of what it takes to be called a real gamer chick. Heed these warning signs of prissy posers attempting to gain the spotlight from the true warrior women:

• She loves to rock. There is nothing wrong with enjoying the musical mayhem of Rock Band or Guitar Hero, unless it is ALL she plays. Also, if she only plays it after 4 red cups and while waiting for her bracket in beer pong, you can assume she probably doesn't even remember when she plays it. It's just a stream of colored dots, drunken karaoke, and senseless beating on a fake drum set while she screams "I love this song!" before every session. She can possibly gain some brownie points for figuring out the guitar frets on any level above Easy, but it's highly doubtful she comes in contact with any real joystick outside of a frat party house.



• She hates anatomy. One of the most obvious signs of a fake or anti-gamer is her outright disgust with virtual female body. Real women know how impossible it would be to stand--let alone jump, wrestle, dance, swing a sword, or play sports--with a pair of double-Fs on a 24-inch waist. The mere damage of a couple of unsupported, renegade breasts would be more dangerous to the wielder than the enemies! Still, girlfriends are quick to constantly remind their beaus how unrealistic and disgusting those digital heroines are. They refuse to play the game themselves or forbid their boys to play when they're around...or at all. Everyone gets a little jealous, but to harp over freaks of nature like Ivy, Hitomi, or even Laura Croft is petty and pointless. There are a lot of great games and a few good laughs out there if one is willing to see past the string bikinis and cleavage.



• Wii she like to play. Well, why not? She loses just as many calories tugging, punching, tilting, and swinging the Wiimote around the room as she would spending 2 hours and $50 a month at the gym. And with the Wii Fit, she can get that celebrity personal trainer without the celebrity pricing or Nazism. Everyone flocks to her house for bowling parties, tennis matches, Wii Music jam sessions, and 3D Mario Galaxy adventures. She's got the cutest Mii in the parade and is positive she's as better cook than Mama! She doesn't need real button skills, just a sensor bar to read her every move and maybe a Wii Wheel to make her feel like she's in the Nintendo-500! Don't burden her with a classic controller; the Nunchuck suits just fine. Hey! Those tiny GameCube disks won't work in her system; they're too small!
  

Real-Time +Turn-Based = NaN

Did you like that? I used a bit of JavaScript on your face!

While attempting to prove to G4 and to myself that I am a dedicated gamer who cares about E3 and the awesomeness they have to offer, I found myself watching a few highlighted clips of games that I do have interest in. The first one was Left 4 Dead 2 which I am completely and utterly losing my goodies to! For further reference, please see attached clip.



The second clip I watched was of the new Final Fantasy XIII that is supposed to "totally blow my face off." I guess I've just reached a point where graphics really don't make a big difference to me anymore. I love a beautifully done video game as much as the next person, but really I think it's the elements within a game and WHAT I am seeing that makes a bigger impact on me than how well they look.

Anyway, aside from not buying the best graphics category, the interviewer (whose job I would de-bo in a heartbeat if he ever dropped his guard!) brought up how the battle system in the game could be described as real-time turn-based.

Video Games - E3 2009 - Xbox 360

NO! Nono! No, it can't! Realistically, that does not even exist! If you have turn-based fighting, you are always at the mercy of some timer or meter that allows you to alternate attacks with another player or enemy. Depending on the speed of each character's meter, a player might have a definite advantage or disadvantage (in the case of status ailments) over how often they can get hits in. Overall, there is still game regulation of when a player can act.

Real-time means when I hit the attack button, I attack. When I heal, I heal. Even if I run out of magic points or need to recharge a specialty meter, I can still run around like crazy and hack the crap out of an enemy until I figure out my next move. Then, I hit another button, let's say to drink a potion or change my attack style, and it automatically puts that into effect. I'll admit, a lot of button-mashing goes into a real-time system if a player is not tactful, but for some it can rely on skillful timing and thoughtful choices.

What's been irking me about the latest Final Fantasy games is the fact that they are trying to incorporate both battle systems. I don't have an issue with the turn-based battle systems; it is a trademark element of all FF games since the first. However, since FFXI, things began to change. Not only was Final Fantasy XI exclusively for the PC as an MMO, it must have given developers time to realize that free-roaming battle systems were quite popular. Instead of completely changing the gameplay for their newest FFXII project, they took their same turn-based system and added the ability to run helplessly around a map while still getting attacked, no matter where you stand. Sure, this may have been a perk to a player who wanted more realism during fight sequences, but how realistic can it be when a level-8 cactuar can still spray me with needles from 10 feet away and 5 feet to the left? It just doesn't work to combine both and still expect that "freedom." If my weapon can't move as fast as my fingers, there is no freedom, nor is their realism.

SquareEnix has produced some amazing Final Fantasy-inspired games that branched out in different battle directions. Kingdom Hearts and Crisis Core used the real-time system incredibly well. Dirge of Cerberus was the first Final Fantasy game to incorporate full third-person shooter action, while FF Tactics and FFXII: Revenant Wings have continued utilizing strategy-based gameplay. What is familiar when it comes to fighting styles is the most comfortable.

Which Video Game System Are You?

I made this quiz for the ladies! I think it's pretty accurate, but like I said... I made it!

Which Video Game System Are You?

Enjoy and have fun with it!

Real Women of Color

Whether she's radiant red, galactic green, or nebula blue, extraterrestrial girls always get the most action--and I'm not talking about their lipstick colors! As much as I gloat about the abilities of my fellow chocolate sisters in science fiction, there are ACTUAL women of color that seem to always marvel and entice us humans, men and women alike. Since the list of chromatic cuties could fill an intergalactic Playboy magazine, I'm just going to focus on the top 3 best looking alien races. It's a good thing these chicks live on other worlds, or else we Earth girls would be out of luck when it came to grabbing the fellas!

1. Twi'leks
Origin Planet: Ryloth
Reoccurring Series: Star Wars
Appeal: This beautiful species comes in a variety of flavors--and by flavors I refer to their alliance with good or evil forces. You can find female Twi'leks anywhere from Jedi academies to cantina stages and anywhere in between. They are primarily a neutral race, which seems odd since most other species form such unhealthy dependencies on their females' beauty. Their one (or two) distinguishing features are their long tentacle appendages that grow from their skulls. Most people find tentacles an immediate turnoff, but one look from these lithe and mesmerizing creatures turns any male species into Bantha blue milk.

2. Orions
Origin Planet: Orion
Reocurring Series: Star Trek
Appeal: They are known as Orion slaves girls, but do no let their name fool you into pity. The one being enslaved is most likely you! With enough pheromones to subdue an entire football stadium of males, these emerald vixens know how to run a good business. You will hardly see an Orion slave girl outside of a "captor's" care, although you may never see them unhappy. Captain Kirk of the S.S. Enterprise had his share of green goodies (not to mention maybe every other color of the rainbow), but as we all know, too much of a good thing can turn sour. Although pleasing, one cannot assume that the Orions' control over members of a Federation ship was in the best interest of anyone--especially the female crew.

3. Asari
Origin Planet: Thessia
Reocurring Series: Mass Effect
Appeal: This soft blue alien race it has no gender...but they're female. Obviously this gives them even more of a sex appeal for guys since their only means of reproduction might involve what would appear to be "girl on girl" action. Asari base their relationships off of life-long somewhat "spiritual" bonds that they can share with any gender or race outside of their own. They also have a great way of enhancing physical pleasure by tapping into their companion's emotional needs. Sounds hot, huh? Instead of trying to guess what people are thinking, they just look! Quite a useful skill, giving the asari a great advantage in diplomacy, both sensual and political.

A Lady and Gentlemen of Extraordinary Sound

Greeting, Fair Followers of the electronic pen! Allow me to welcome you to the leather-bound world of Steampunk. If you haven't learned by now what it consists of, you will have to make the venture to learn of such on your own. Until then, let me introduce you to an extraordinary new sound that I've come to find quite exhilarating.



The Extraordinary Contraptions have put the "punk" back into steampunk. They are not the typical straight-lace, bow ties, and clockwork. They are the striking metallic smudge on the crisp, boring collar of the antiquated steampunk style. Their sound combines the electric spark of ska and punk music with the whimsical persona of a picnic in an industrial park. All in all, not a bad sound in the least! Harmonic vocals and sophisticated lyrics backed by strong bass are fun to listen and to dance to.

Aelus, Dmitri, Sephora, and Corbin are time-traveling to a Terminus station near you! Check put their MySpace page for upcoming concerts, events, music downloads, and all sorts of glittering contraptions. While you are at it, explore the photographs I've collected for them from their Masquerade concert.

Become a friend, and even a fan, of The Extraordinary Contraptions have a taste of past and punk.

Ten Years to the Day

For all of you oh-so-cool kids still taking advantage of the "4-20" hysteria, here's something to process with those remaining few brain cells:

Exactly 10 years ago, 2 boys armed themselves with an arsenal of weapons and changed the lives of every student, teacher, parent, friend, brother, and sister at a high school in Columbine, Colorado. Twelve students and one teacher lost their lives at the merciless hands of unstable, mistreated, and vengeful cohorts. Twenty-three others are lucky to be alive after the shots they took, and countless others will never be able to forget the horrors they faced today.

Now, in a day when childlike innocents seems like an oxymoron, we find ourselves no further from these savage situations. A school hallway is not just a social hub for young minds, it's a walk of shame, an overexposure, and a friendless tunnel of ridicule for some. Bullying is real, and not every child is strong enough to handle such premature abuse on their own. If it goes to far, the results can be the massacre that occurred in Colorado, or the fatality that darkened hearts in Dekalb, Georgia today.

Eleven years old is not even old enough to experience the best parts of life, but when you are daily put down, picked on, and beaten physically and emotionally, I'm sure it's hard to see into a promising future. As the sister of someone who was once bullied, I have no tolerance for anyone of any age abusing their self-proclaimed power over someone else. Thankfully, my family's situation came to a head and was exposed before anything tragic happened, but years of damage had already been done.

The poor little boy in today's story did not find the help he needed in time and many are feeling a terrible sorrow tonight. My heart goes out to the family and friends of Jaheem and to the families of Columbine victims. It hurts me to know that so many lives could be taken for reasons so petty and minds so disturbed. May God bless us tonight and always, and give us the insight and wisdom to do what it right for every soul on the planet. We are all we are ever going to have, and life is far too short to ruin if for ourselves or anyone else.

Rest in Peace.

It matters if you're Black or White

I keep starting and stopping posts. I'm going to finish this one! This is why I will never be famous: because I cannot follow through with a simple idea until its published!

On to business. Over the last few months I've been thinking of topics for my BGVTA entries. This one began to take shape while discussing the cliche and rather distressful role of the black women in sci-fi/fantasy movies. I noticed that all but 2 of the women featured on my site were in an interracial relationship, and that of those who were, about half of the time, their significant other dies. Yes, dies. I can prove it.

Now, I want to put a SPOILER WARNING into affect now so that no one can blame me for ruining a movie that have not, but are yet to see! Referring to my previous statistics on the latter paragraph, you probably want to make sure you've either seen or don't want to see all of the movies/shows on BGVTA. I'll also throw in the movie "Wind Commander" since presently it is not up on the site.

All right, all eyes ready? Here's the breakdown:

Aside from "Independence Day" and "The Matrix," I guess it is assumed that in if there is one black chick around, she is associating with the surrounding white people enough to find herself in a relationship. Most of these women are scientists, which I guess in not an occupation to find a vast majority of black people? Then again, given the situations these scientists find themselves in--sub-zero temperatures ("AvP," "Ice Spiders", middle-of-the-ocean abandoned oil rigs "The Thing Beneath"--I cannot imagine why black people would want to take that job. We sort of hate the cold. . . and oil rigs. We also get vengeful when insects and aliens pull and oh-no-you-didn't against our boyfriends. Then, the true warrior woman comes out and kicks butt all the way to the ending credits.

In terms of the space-aged romances, I guess I'm not too surprised. There are no nations, no real borders or boundaries to distinguish a people outside of what cultural or spiritual beliefs they might share. Looking at movies like "The Chronicles of Riddick" where the Necromongers went planet-jumping to recruit all of mankind into their cult, it's not hard to see how Lord and Lady Vaako found each other. They're both crazy. Need I allude to "Diaries of a Mad Black Woman" to further push my point about how a sister's going to act to get what she wants? I didn't think so.

Let's take it to the skies now. The Washburnes seemed the most unlikely couple to sail the skies together, and not because of their skin color. The Chinese New Years Dragon and Dog do the best to explain this misleading match-up. Zoe, herself, said, "I don't like him, sir," before she even knew what was going to happen. In the tragic coupling of Maniac and Rosie in "Wing Commander," I find the first of hopefully very few instances where the black girl takes the fall. However, they could not even kill her off at the hands of an actual enemy. It had to be her own fault for being a show-off and losing control of her ship. She zapped that last alien tail, but could not make it back on board for seconds with her blond boy-toy.

I cannot forget to mention the "Cloverfield" madness that doesn't fit into science or space. It's just downright unfortunate. Poor Lily just wants to throw a good party in New York. After all, she was fortunate enough to have the brother who was not moving across the ocean the next day. Nope! Cannot have that. Chaos, sea monster, and a broken bridge, and now she's single. At least the directors did giver her a break by letting her escape the city before the monster and a bad helicopter pilot could do her in.

Lastly, I thought I'd mention the strange love affair going on between Calypso and Davey Jones. Now that I think about it, there is a chance Calypso wasn't always black since they apparently trapped her in a human form to keep her from messing up the sea for hardworking pirates. But what we know of her outside of her human form is just a bunch of gray crabs. . . . Not nearly as alluring as a swamp witch with rotten teeth and face tattoos. Regardless, Davey Jones loved her enough to help put her in that body, but what did I say earlier about making a black woman do what she don't wanna? SNAPPED!

So I think that about covers it, although I don't think it's really fair. I think we deserve a happy ending once in a while without all the death and separation. Is the media trying to portray that interracial relationships are dangerous or can only end in heartache? I really do hope not. Perhaps there's some assumption that black ladies are strong enough to survive after such a loss? If so, why is it always the white guy who dies, not someone her own race? Something for future filmmakers and directors to think about. People do read into these things,so just be careful of the message you're sending out, even if you have the best intentions.