- She loves to rock. There is nothing wrong with enjoying the musical mayhem of Rock Band or Guitar Hero, unless it is ALL she plays. Also, if she only plays it after 4 red cups and while waiting for her bracket in beer pong, you can assume she probably doesn't even remember when she plays it. It's just a stream of colored dots, drunken karaoke, and senseless beating on a fake drum set while she screams "I love this song!" before every session. She can possibly gain some brownie points for figuring out the guitar frets on any level above Easy, but it's highly doubtful she comes in contact with any real joystick outside of a frat party house.
- She hates anatomy. One of the most obvious signs of a fake or anti-gamer is her outright disgust with virtual female body. Real women know how impossible it would be to stand--let alone jump, wrestle, dance, swing a sword, or play sports--with a pair of double-Fs on a 24-inch waist. The mere damage of a couple of unsupported, renegade breasts would be more dangerous to the wielder than the enemies! Still, girlfriends are quick to constantly remind their beaus how unrealistic and disgusting those digital heroines are. They refuse to play the game themselves or forbid their boys to play when they're around...or at all. Everyone gets a little jealous, but to harp over freaks of nature like Ivy, Hitomi, or even Laura Croft is petty and pointless. There are a lot of great games and a few good laughs out there if one is willing to see past the string bikinis and cleavage.
- Wii she like to play. Well, why not? She loses just as many calories tugging, punching, tilting, and swinging the Wiimote around the room as she would spending 2 hours and $50 a month at the gym. And with the Wii Fit, she can get that celebrity personal trainer without the celebrity pricing or Nazism. Everyone flocks to her house for bowling parties, tennis matches, Wii Music jam sessions, and 3D Mario Galaxy adventures. She's got the cutest Mii in the parade and is positive she's as better cook than Mama! She doesn't need real button skills, just a sensor bar to read her every move and maybe a Wii Wheel to make her feel like she's in the Nintendo-500! Don't burden her with a classic controller; the Nunchuck suits just fine. Hey! Those tiny GameCube disks won't work in her system; they're too small!
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Signs She's Not a Real Gamer
Let's face it, girls who game are hot. We, as girls, know it. You, as drooling, testosterone-driven boys know it. And though we could probably go on and on about what makes someone a "true" or "hardcore" gamer--recreational versus underground, according to Microsoft Live--the main point is that a female with justifiable video game competencies is a rare, ultra-precious jewel. What girl wouldn't want to be the combo-breaker in a sea of trigger-happy alpha males fighting for virtual trophies and achievements? It's a rather seductive position of power that many girls front, but most fall fatally short while attempting to grace even the surface of what it takes to be called a real gamer chick. Heed these warning signs of prissy posers attempting to gain the spotlight from the true warrior women:
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Real-Time +Turn-Based = NaN
Did you like that? I used a bit of JavaScript on your face!
While attempting to prove to G4 and to myself that I am a dedicated gamer who cares about E3 and the awesomeness they have to offer, I found myself watching a few highlighted clips of games that I do have interest in. The first one was Left 4 Dead 2 which I am completely and utterly losing my goodies to! For further reference, please see attached clip.
The second clip I watched was of the new Final Fantasy XIII that is supposed to "totally blow my face off." I guess I've just reached a point where graphics really don't make a big difference to me anymore. I love a beautifully done video game as much as the next person, but really I think it's the elements within a game and WHAT I am seeing that makes a bigger impact on me than how well they look.
Anyway, aside from not buying the best graphics category, the interviewer (whose job I would de-bo in a heartbeat if he ever dropped his guard!) brought up how the battle system in the game could be described as real-time turn-based.
NO! Nono! No, it can't! Realistically, that does not even exist! If you have turn-based fighting, you are always at the mercy of some timer or meter that allows you to alternate attacks with another player or enemy. Depending on the speed of each character's meter, a player might have a definite advantage or disadvantage (in the case of status ailments) over how often they can get hits in. Overall, there is still game regulation of when a player can act.
Real-time means when I hit the attack button, I attack. When I heal, I heal. Even if I run out of magic points or need to recharge a specialty meter, I can still run around like crazy and hack the crap out of an enemy until I figure out my next move. Then, I hit another button, let's say to drink a potion or change my attack style, and it automatically puts that into effect. I'll admit, a lot of button-mashing goes into a real-time system if a player is not tactful, but for some it can rely on skillful timing and thoughtful choices.
What's been irking me about the latest Final Fantasy games is the fact that they are trying to incorporate both battle systems. I don't have an issue with the turn-based battle systems; it is a trademark element of all FF games since the first. However, since FFXI, things began to change. Not only was Final Fantasy XI exclusively for the PC as an MMO, it must have given developers time to realize that free-roaming battle systems were quite popular. Instead of completely changing the gameplay for their newest FFXII project, they took their same turn-based system and added the ability to run helplessly around a map while still getting attacked, no matter where you stand. Sure, this may have been a perk to a player who wanted more realism during fight sequences, but how realistic can it be when a level-8 cactuar can still spray me with needles from 10 feet away and 5 feet to the left? It just doesn't work to combine both and still expect that "freedom." If my weapon can't move as fast as my fingers, there is no freedom, nor is their realism.
SquareEnix has produced some amazing Final Fantasy-inspired games that branched out in different battle directions. Kingdom Hearts and Crisis Core used the real-time system incredibly well. Dirge of Cerberus was the first Final Fantasy game to incorporate full third-person shooter action, while FF Tactics and FFXII: Revenant Wings have continued utilizing strategy-based gameplay. What is familiar when it comes to fighting styles is the most comfortable.
While attempting to prove to G4 and to myself that I am a dedicated gamer who cares about E3 and the awesomeness they have to offer, I found myself watching a few highlighted clips of games that I do have interest in. The first one was Left 4 Dead 2 which I am completely and utterly losing my goodies to! For further reference, please see attached clip.
The second clip I watched was of the new Final Fantasy XIII that is supposed to "totally blow my face off." I guess I've just reached a point where graphics really don't make a big difference to me anymore. I love a beautifully done video game as much as the next person, but really I think it's the elements within a game and WHAT I am seeing that makes a bigger impact on me than how well they look.
Anyway, aside from not buying the best graphics category, the interviewer (whose job I would de-bo in a heartbeat if he ever dropped his guard!) brought up how the battle system in the game could be described as real-time turn-based.
NO! Nono! No, it can't! Realistically, that does not even exist! If you have turn-based fighting, you are always at the mercy of some timer or meter that allows you to alternate attacks with another player or enemy. Depending on the speed of each character's meter, a player might have a definite advantage or disadvantage (in the case of status ailments) over how often they can get hits in. Overall, there is still game regulation of when a player can act.
Real-time means when I hit the attack button, I attack. When I heal, I heal. Even if I run out of magic points or need to recharge a specialty meter, I can still run around like crazy and hack the crap out of an enemy until I figure out my next move. Then, I hit another button, let's say to drink a potion or change my attack style, and it automatically puts that into effect. I'll admit, a lot of button-mashing goes into a real-time system if a player is not tactful, but for some it can rely on skillful timing and thoughtful choices.
What's been irking me about the latest Final Fantasy games is the fact that they are trying to incorporate both battle systems. I don't have an issue with the turn-based battle systems; it is a trademark element of all FF games since the first. However, since FFXI, things began to change. Not only was Final Fantasy XI exclusively for the PC as an MMO, it must have given developers time to realize that free-roaming battle systems were quite popular. Instead of completely changing the gameplay for their newest FFXII project, they took their same turn-based system and added the ability to run helplessly around a map while still getting attacked, no matter where you stand. Sure, this may have been a perk to a player who wanted more realism during fight sequences, but how realistic can it be when a level-8 cactuar can still spray me with needles from 10 feet away and 5 feet to the left? It just doesn't work to combine both and still expect that "freedom." If my weapon can't move as fast as my fingers, there is no freedom, nor is their realism.
SquareEnix has produced some amazing Final Fantasy-inspired games that branched out in different battle directions. Kingdom Hearts and Crisis Core used the real-time system incredibly well. Dirge of Cerberus was the first Final Fantasy game to incorporate full third-person shooter action, while FF Tactics and FFXII: Revenant Wings have continued utilizing strategy-based gameplay. What is familiar when it comes to fighting styles is the most comfortable.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)