What a weekend! It's almost as if Saturday didn't exist, which really sucks because I had a LOT I needed to do that day. A lot of appointments missed, promises broken, engagements not kept due to a little car shuffling that was totally my fault! I'm almost too upset about my lack of follow throughon Saturday to even go into details. I'd like to just forget all about it and just say SORRY to everyone I let down, including the boyfriend who was so gracious to drive nearly 100 miles to help me out at 3am Saturday morning.
Sigh....
I say this too often and don't follow through but I'd like today to be "the first day of the rest of my life." I actually heard that phrase on "Rocko's Modern Life" years ago and always thought it was pretty philosophic for a cartoon about butt-jokes and other disgusting bodily functions. A good start to a new rest of my life is to admit my issue: I am chronically-impaired. In other words, frequently tardy. Time-retarded. Always late.
I can almost rewind any big issues I've had in my life with procrastination and being late to something. If I had started earlier/on time for A I would not have been late for B, run into C situation en route, and could have been ready when I needed to be at D event. And thus, I might be considered for E more often.
I should give up blaming things on physical barriers, namely anemia, because I know a LOT of talented, famous, and on-time people who have much more dire health situations than something that makes me a little sleepy and can be put in check by an iron pill once a day. I think my whole body just got into a lazy, procrastinating groove that's never really been punished to the fullest extent. Sure, warning at work and the occasional demerit, but usually I fix the issue just enough to get by. It's by no means acceptable and everyday I fear it'll will be the day I pay biggest for it.
Playing around with my work schedule is pretty dangerous (I gotta pay those bills!), but I'm most disappointed in myself when I let others down in areas that I care about the most. Showing up late for call time, forgetting to post an important flyer, missing an event completely because I've overbooked or underestimated my time. It's terrible because no one wants to work with someone who cannot be on time or follow through with commitments. And even more sad that I talk so much talk about wanting to perform, travel, meet tons of people, maybe even get a bit of stardom and fame one day for talents I can improve on. No one's ever gotten famous oversleeping, miscommunicating, making excuses, or showing up late.
As of right now I'm prepping to move out of my apartment, and wouldn't you know it I have until Wednesday (3 days from now) to be out. Percentage of my apartment packed, cleaned, and ready to ship out? I'd say maybe -4%. That negative accounting for all the trash and useless crap I shouldn't even still have lying around, but do because in my case procrastination seems to tie in with a bit of hoarding. That, however, will have to wait for another blog.
This move is supposed to help me save money and maybe get me closer to downtown so I can be closer to the action there. Contrary to the boyfriend's beliefs, it's not all about partying and clubbing. My hoop instructor is downtown, members of Musee de Coeur and the Imperial OPA perform downtown, and there is so much I haven't explored to the fullest after living in the Metro area for 16 years! The downfall is that my commute to work will go from 7 minutes to 47 minutes (without traffic), at least for a couple months until I find a nice happy medium between my work and play. Still, distance won't mean a thing if I can't manage my time better! This should be the ultimate test of my ability to change. I know have it, the ability, but I need to shake myself violently from my comfort zone.
Again, sorry to anyone who reads this who I disappointed this weekend. I really dropped a few balls, maybe even made some dents in the pavement where they fell that could lead to bumpy roads in the future. At this point all I can do is keep going forward with what I have and prove I can do better. This is pretty far from the usually content of BGVTA, but had to be said!
Thanks for all the opportunities! :)
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